when i graduated high school, i immediately got a job that summer as an administrative assistant at an exporting company and began courses toward my bachelor's in international business degree. i was working part time and going to school full time, i had it all figured out, didn't i? that is, until life took me on many twists and turns. i can only really chalk it out to be the fact that i lost sight of what it was i truly wanted to do in life and i started taking my education for granted. i began failing courses because i somehow ended up overestimating what i was capable of taking on, which led to me being unimaginably overwhelmed. i then stopped trying out of fear of failing. i was discouraged and i felt maybe what i wanted, wasn't the life that was meant for me. i somehow ended up working at a fitness facility and i began to consider a career in nutrition. it felt like the path i was moving toward, right? i mean, that's all i seemed to have knowledge about.
how did i get to that point? did i ever truly have it as figured out as i had originally thought i did?
the answer is yes, yes i did. i knew what it was i wanted in life, however, it wasn't my time yet. why do i say that? when i first started college, i wasn't mature yet and i didn't have the life experience or coping mechanisms in place to handle what others would call "a normal college life". and it's okay if you're not at a time where you can cope with school yet. it's okay if you're not in a place where you know exactly what it is you want to do in life either! there is no set timeline on when you should have these specific things done. your life is your life.
i ended up taking a break from school for 5 years. i kept telling myself that once i finish my personal training certification and continue riding out the promotions i was receiving at my current job, i'd somehow get back to school and finish my bachelor's in nutrition. but can i tell you something? i couldn't picture what i'd do with my life after all of that was said in done. i'd just be a nutritionist somewhere, right? within 5 years, i was promoted to be a manager. it was a very difficult job, if i'm being honest. it took a huge toll on me emotionally and i battled with my self-worth every day of my life throughout those years. one day, i had an employee who had so much potential! so my manager and i asked him one day why he wasn't in school. he stated that he'd like to go, but financially, he wasn't able to do so. that's when my manager did one of the coolest things i had ever witnessed! he told him, "never let something like that keep you from going to school if that's your only reason. i want you to go home tonight and research 5 scholarship/grant programs you can apply to, bring them to me tomorrow, and we'll work on your applications for them." it was such a touching moment for me to witness; someone being so invested in someone else's future.
however, that's when i realized, he was only a few years my junior. i should be invested in my future as well. it was a moment of revelation and i decided that i didn't want to keep being the one at work saying "i plan on going back to school", without any real intention of going back. it was either, i did so now while i still had the courage, or never. so i turned in my 2 week notice, since i knew i wouldn't be able to go to school part time while working 55-60+ hours a week.
eventually, i found a less time-consuming, less-stressful office job as a financial auditor at a corporate office and began my journey back to school. this time, however, i knew it wasn't going to be nutrition. i just knew that nutrition wasn't something that my heart was into. at that time, i knew my life had always revolved around languages, cultures, reading, and writing. i started doing research and realized, i wanted to pursue a bachelor's in linguistics.
i had to battle my mom on this a lot when i made this decision. she felt that being an english major wasn't as stable as getting a degree in science. eventually, i did decide to look out for myself by creating a safety-net which is my minor in international business. so now, ironically, i managed to somehow make my way back to square one.
would i take any of that back? no, i wouldn't. you see, if i hadn't lived the life i had, i never would have been able to appreciate the ability to study. before, i took classes because i absolutely had to. but now when taking courses, even if they are a general course which is not specific to my degree, i find ways to apply what i learn in that class to linguistics. although, because i'm working full-time and going to school part time there are some very long nights, i still genuinely enjoy the process of studying and being able to work toward something that makes me feel whole.
so no, you are not behind. you are on your right path, regardless of how it compares to anyone else's. trust that, despite not being there yet, you will eventually get there and it will be so much more fulfilling than the mediocre life you would have led otherwise if you had settled in life just to match some invisible timeline.
if you ever need someone to talk to about trying to go back to school or feeling behind in life, please message me on instagram! i'm a friend that is here for you every step of the way because i know exactly what it feels like!
